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Arturo! Conquerer* of souls

September 9th, 2008 Nasir Leave a comment Go to comments

Have been working on the theme for the site and working on gathering some content. You’d be surprise to see how much blog-worthy stuff that goes on during any given day, both on the job and off it. The problem is organizing it and then posting it. That is something I don’t feel like doing everyday.

We’ll start off with something easy. A couple of weeks ago, Matt forwarded a chat session between a friend of his and Dell Small Business Support.

Complete transcript after the jump. Enjoy.

2:15:13 PM System You are now being connected to an agent. Thank you for using Dell Chat
2:15:13 PM System Connected with SMB_Arturo
2:15:13 PM Andrew m
2:15:15 PM SMB_Arturo Thank you for contacting Dell’s Small and Medium Business Hardware support, my name is Arturo. How can I help you?
2:15:29 PM Andrew I have had to contact dell support twice
2:15:34 PM Andrew my machine is still not fixed
2:15:37 PM Andrew this is a problem
2:16:06 PM Andrew I need the problem to go away arturo
2:16:13 PM SMB_Arturo Ok Andrew, before we continue could you please provide me with the system’s service tag, company name and phone number?
2:16:27 PM SMB_Arturo Sure. I’ll do my best to fix your issue.
2:16:45 PM Andrew xxxxx, 999-999-9999
2:17:58 PM SMB_Arturo Thank you.
2:18:18 PM SMB_Arturo To ensure we are working with the correct system , the model type is an OptiplexGX520?
2:18:26 PM Andrew yes
2:19:13 PM SMB_Arturo Thank you.
2:19:33 PM SMB_Arturo Would you describe exactly the problem you’re having?
2:19:42 PM Andrew the machine does not turn on
2:20:33 PM SMB_Arturo Oh, ok. I see. I found that you have some previous cases about this issue. Could you please allow me 5-8 min to read the cases?
2:20:44 PM Andrew yes
2:21:28 PM SMB_Arturo Thank you.
2:22:29 PM Andrew Do you believe in magic arturo?
2:23:03 PM SMB_Arturo Why do you say that? Or what kind of magic are you referring to?
2:23:34 PM Andrew Well I am starting to believe that perhaps some type of sorceror has placed some ancient magic on this optiplex
2:24:28 PM SMB_Arturo I’ve found that you’ve replaced many things on it right?
2:24:36 PM Andrew This is true
2:24:53 PM SMB_Arturo Ok.
2:25:27 PM Andrew Do you think perhaps we need to consult with warlocks of old to assist in this issue?
2:26:08 PM SMB_Arturo I think that wouldn’t be necessary. We’ll find the way to solve your issue today.
2:27:15 PM Andrew I asked some guy on the corner the other day who was homeless what i should do
2:27:42 PM Andrew and he said if you consult the warlocks of old, anything can be fixed even an optiplex gx520 the most difficult of artifacts
2:27:43 PM SMB_Arturo Oh, really?
2:28:13 PM SMB_Arturo IS this the only OptiplexGX520 you have?
2:28:30 PM Andrew im sure there are more in this office
2:28:55 PM Andrew somewhere, within the caverns here….there must be more
2:29:43 PM SMB_Arturo Could you please allow me 5-8 min to ask to the next level agent about this issue that you’re having with your system ?
2:29:53 PM Andrew Thank you Arturo
2:29:57 PM Andrew I thank you so much
2:30:05 PM Andrew Your my only hope
2:30:17 PM SMB_Arturo You’re welcome. I’ll be back in 5-8 min.
2:30:19 PM Andrew In the hands of a man….named…Arturo
2:33:13 PM SMB_Arturo I’m the 6th one in queue to get the next level agent, it may take some minutes more. Please allow me 5-9 min for that.
2:33:21 PM Andrew Okay
2:33:33 PM SMB_Arturo Thank you.
2:33:41 PM Andrew No Arturo…Thank you
2:33:59 PM SMB_Arturo You’re welcome.
2:36:06 PM Andrew Arturo have you ever woken up from bed and said, “today im going to kick some major ass at Dell Chat support”
2:37:03 PM SMB_Arturo I understand that you feel disappointed about this issue. I would stay that way if the same would happen to my system .
2:37:23 PM SMB_Arturo By the way I’m the 3rd one in queue now.
2:37:48 PM Andrew Your a good man Arturo
2:37:56 PM Andrew Keep rockin playa
2:38:09 PM Andrew So you hittin the clubs tonight or WHAT!?
2:38:33 PM SMB_Arturo Yes, I might go tonight. What about you?
2:39:59 PM Andrew Well man i think today i need to go out, ima go out around nyc and just like run around hit up some bars talk to some chicks see what happens ya know maybe jump around the avenues in my boxers and like throw fish at some people in taxi cabs and then run away
2:40:13 PM Andrew They hate that
2:40:19 PM Andrew But i love it
2:40:28 PM Andrew You should come check out NYC arturo
2:40:37 PM Andrew go on a rampage doing some fish taggin
2:40:43 PM SMB_Arturo I’ve gone there one. I love it.
2:40:53 PM Andrew Did you do any fish taggin?
2:41:08 PM SMB_Arturo No, not really.
2:41:12 PM Andrew dude
2:41:16 PM Andrew you dont know what it feels like
2:41:20 PM Andrew in your soul
2:41:45 PM Andrew until you just grab a freakin big ass BASS and like whirl it around your body like 3-4 times and just slap the shit out of somebody right across the mouth
2:41:55 PM SMB_Arturo Oh, I’ll try it. Next year I’m planning to go there.
2:42:01 PM Andrew Listen Arturo
2:42:03 PM Andrew if you come aroudn here
2:42:26 PM Andrew let me know, well do so much fish taggin run around and punch some people in the face in taxi cabs
2:42:31 PM Andrew you’ll love nyc even more
2:42:45 PM SMB_Arturo He he. Oh,ok.
2:42:46 PM Andrew you’ll be like damn this nigga andy is crazy! i wanna stay here forever THANKS DELL CHAT SUPPORT!
2:43:33 PM SMB_Arturo I’m the next one in queue. Almost getting to the next level agent Andrew. Thank you for your patience.
2:43:56 PM Andrew What level are these dudes?
2:44:03 PM Andrew like lvl 80 Elite warlocks
2:44:54 PM SMB_Arturo They are the ones who approve parts and solve the weird issues.
2:45:05 PM Andrew basically they are overpowered warlocks
2:45:12 PM Andrew you better be careful arturo
2:45:28 PM SMB_Arturo He he.
2:45:34 PM Andrew this could get serious
2:45:42 PM Andrew you got any fish around you…
2:45:45 PM Andrew ?
2:46:00 PM Andrew They know about us man, they think we know too much
2:47:18 PM SMB_Arturo Now I’m asking the next level agent about your issue. Please allow me 5-8 min more to discuss the issue with him.
2:54:54 PM SMB_Arturo Thank you for waiting Andrew we’re working on your issue, please allow us 5-9 min more.
2:55:06 PM Andrew Arturo im worried, are you alright
2:55:39 PM SMB_Arturo Yes, I’m all right. I’m just discussing the issue with the next level agents.
2:56:04 PM Andrew ask them if they believe in magic for me
2:56:12 PM Andrew and if they’ve ever gone fish taggin
2:56:13 PM Andrew in nyc
2:56:24 PM SMB_Arturo He he. Ok.
2:56:36 PM Andrew This is serious man
2:57:30 PM Andrew tell me there responce when u can
2:57:39 PM SMB_Arturo Ok, I’ll do that. Sure.
2:57:58 PM Andrew Arturo you are freakin genetically different man
2:58:07 PM Andrew you are alpha arturo
2:58:19 PM SMB_Arturo What do you Mean?
2:58:27 PM Andrew YOU ARE GENETICALLY DIFFERENT
2:58:34 PM Andrew TOTAL
2:58:35 PM Andrew FREAKING
2:58:46 PM Andrew ALPHA MAIL
2:58:52 PM Andrew As in E-mail
2:58:56 PM Andrew but not so much
2:59:08 PM SMB_Arturo Oh, ok.
2:59:13 PM Andrew Ok im getting a little crazy arturo sorry
2:59:16 PM Andrew i apologise
2:59:29 PM Andrew I do however one serious question though
2:59:29 PM SMB_Arturo I’ll be back in 5-8 min Andrew. No problem.
2:59:30 PM Andrew if i may
2:59:44 PM SMB_Arturo Ok.
3:00:30 PM Andrew Do you ever feel like biting really old books? because to me really old books smell like pancake syrup and i just have this strange urge to just sink my ravenous teeth into its pages so i can take in the auroma as if aunt jemima printed teh pages herself
3:01:14 PM Andrew I know you do bro
3:01:16 PM Andrew dont lie to me
3:01:59 PM SMB_Arturo Oh, He he. You’re right. Some of them do
3:02:13 PM Andrew you see man i knew you knew what i was talkin bout
3:03:07 PM Andrew have you actually thought about biting one though
3:03:53 PM Andrew ive actually teared through about 200 pages from Lord of the Rings
3:03:54 PM SMB_Arturo Not really.
3:04:13 PM SMB_Arturo Oh, ok.
3:04:15 PM Andrew i even chewed before i realised it didnt taste anything like pancake syrup
3:05:05 PM SMB_Arturo Oh really?
3:05:11 PM Andrew yeah man it was terrible
3:05:20 PM Andrew but still every now and then i just wanna bite some
3:05:40 PM SMB_Arturo Oh, ok.
3:05:52 PM Andrew or even carboard boxes that have been sitting in a basement or behind a really big bookshelf that never gets moved cuz they smell like graham crackers
3:06:00 PM SMB_Arturo Oh, Andrew I got a response from my supervisor and the next level agents.
3:06:10 PM Andrew oh shit
3:06:12 PM Andrew Lets hear it man
3:07:30 PM SMB_Arturo I was told that we’re making a system exchange due to the amount of parts that already have been replaced on your system .
3:07:45 PM Andrew Arturo, i was right about you
3:07:47 PM SMB_Arturo So you don’t have any more troubles with it.
3:07:57 PM Andrew i was right about u the minute i saw your name
3:08:21 PM Andrew If im talking to somebody called Arturo this is bound to be a win situation
3:08:25 PM SMB_Arturo He he.
3:08:28 PM Andrew and guess what arturo
3:08:35 PM Andrew Guess WHAT!?
3:08:35 PM SMB_Arturo Why do you say that?
3:08:40 PM SMB_Arturo What?
3:08:46 PM Andrew dude i said guess wtf
3:09:31 PM SMB_Arturo He he. I don’t know what to guess?
3:09:44 PM Andrew YOU AER UNSTOPABLEZ
3:10:01 PM SMB_Arturo Andrew, Could you please confirm the complete address and phone number where the part should be sent in case it’s authorized?
3:10:11 PM SMB_Arturo Thank you for that.
3:11:33 PM Andrew xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
3:11:47 PM Andrew xxxxxxxxxx
3:11:52 PM Andrew Make it so
3:12:16 PM SMB_Arturo Thank you Andrew. I have to tell you too that after you get the system you need, you’ll need to return the old system within a period of 10 business days. Is that ok with you?
3:12:40 PM Andrew yeah man SEND IT IN!
3:12:56 PM SMB_Arturo Sure. Could you please allow me 5-9 min while I log all the information needed for the authorization?
3:13:15 PM Andrew ARTURO COME ON MAN WERE LIKE BEST FRIENDS BY NOW WHY U TELLIN ME PLEASE ALLOW U 5-9 MINUTES FOR
3:13:41 PM Andrew WE HAVE DOMINATED THIS DAY
3:13:45 PM Andrew THIS DAY IS YOURS
3:13:50 PM Andrew FOR THE TAKING!
3:13:56 PM SMB_Arturo Oh, ok. In that case. I’ll be back in 5-9 min.
3:14:01 PM SMB_Arturo He he. Thank you.
3:14:05 PM Andrew YOU ARE THE DELL CHAMPION
3:14:21 PM Andrew ARTURO! CONQUERER OF SOULS
3:15:16 PM SMB_Arturo Thank you.
3:15:33 PM Andrew Ok Arturo now tht i have crowned you and provided you with a name
3:15:41 PM Andrew you have to crown me and provide me with a name
3:15:43 PM Andrew so im waiting
3:16:42 PM SMB_Arturo He he. Ok, I’ll be thinking on it.
3:16:55 PM Andrew Dude you better come up with something good
3:17:08 PM Andrew i just made you the goddamn dell conquerer of souls
3:17:08 PM SMB_Arturo Yes, I’ll try.
3:17:47 PM SMB_Arturo He he. Ok.
3:17:52 PM Andrew You got something?
3:18:03 PM Andrew or still thinking
3:18:22 PM SMB_Arturo Still thinking.
3:18:25 PM Andrew kk
3:21:02 PM SMB_Arturo Andrew the NYC Emperor of the great Titans and powers.
3:21:15 PM Andrew YESSSS MAN! THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!
3:21:49 PM Andrew DUDE ARTURO JEEZE MAN I DONT THINK ILL EVER FIND A DELL TECH LIKE YOU AGAIN IN MY LIFE MAN
3:22:30 PM Andrew I think today Arturo you will now realize
3:22:41 PM Andrew how much of a master in this life you really are
3:22:43 PM Andrew rock on brother
3:22:47 PM Andrew rock on forever
3:22:58 PM SMB_Arturo He he. Thank you for that.
3:23:15 PM Andrew Thanks so much for everything Arturo Conquerer of souls
3:23:42 PM SMB_Arturo You’re welcome Andrew NYC Emperor.
3:23:50 PM Andrew Farewell my friend perhaps one day our paths will cros
3:24:13 PM Andrew if you ever happen to be by NYC let me know and well smack some people and do some fish taggin
3:24:19 PM Andrew andy@*********.com
3:24:55 PM Andrew Light be with you
3:25:08 PM SMB_Arturo Sure. Thank you Andrew for the invitation?
3:25:22 PM Andrew Hell yeah man ill get the fish ready when u come through here again
3:25:44 PM SMB_Arturo Great. Thank you.
3:25:46 PM Andrew i got a whole honorary party awaiting your day of triumphant arrival
3:25:52 PM Andrew I love you

* no, I did not misspell the word “Conquerer.” It’s directly from the chat transcript.

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